Chateau Hentzau

A while back, I stumbled across the webcomic Garfield Minus Garfield. I'm sure most of you have seen it, and know the concept...it's the Garfield comic strip, with all references and pictures of Garfield erased. What's left is Jon Arbuckle existing in a bizarrely bi-polar world where he only talks to himself and strange things happen to him. Below are a few of my favorite samples from Garfield Minus Garfield.









I hadn't visited G-G for a while, and I went back and re-read and caught up on the new ones. And after a while, I realized that Jon's life really reminded me of mine. Because, if you think about it, we've got one major thing in common:

We've both had the pussy removed from our lives.

:-)

It was past due. I finally went in for my yearly physical, about six months past when I should. I am normally a pretty healthy guy. I never need to see a doctor, but for preventative and family history reasons, I have made it a habit to go get a physical every year.

My medical center is obscenely efficient. I never have to wait in the waiting room more than 3 minutes, and never wait more than 10 to see my doctor. And I can always get an appointment within a few days. I don't know what they are doing at this medical center, but they are doing it right!

Anyway. Nurse takes blood pressure, pulse, height and weight.

I weigh how much now? Shit!

My doctor comes in, Dr. K, and she starts off by asking me a bunch of general questions about my health. We go ripping through the list, with me answering "No!" very quickly and confidently to everything she asks. And then...

"Any urination problems?"

No.

"Burning while urinating?"

No.

"Abnormally frequent urination?"

No.

"Blood in your urine?"

No.

"Erectile Dysfunction?"

*Pause. Look up in surprise at the question.* Um...

*She looks up from her keyboard, waiting.*

Um...well, yes. I have had a few issues.

And what followed was a lengthy discussion on my sex life, lack thereof, and issues that I have had the last several times that I have actually had sex. Including a discussion of masturbatory habits. Whee!

Upshot of the discussion, she asked me if I wanted a prescription for Viagra, to which I said:


Really? That's kind of silly, based on the frequency of how often I have sex, isn't it? Kind of like giving someone in the Gobi desert a life preserver...

"It may be. But your wife may eventually come around, or your situation may change, and it wouldn't hurt to have them around. And on those rare occasions you DO have sex, wouldn't it be nice if your COULD?" I'll just call in the prescription, it's up to you whether you get it filled or not.

My doctor. She rocks.

So I got out of there, without getting a prostate exam (dammit!) and after some thinking about it, picked up the bottle with 8 little blue pills, that now live in my backpack (I wouldn't dare put them in my medicine cabinet). I mean, what the hell, right? They may just sit there for years, but who knows?

The next day had some bloodwork done. Got a call from the doctor today, and she has concerns about my cholesterol levels. Over the past six years, my cholesterol has remained borderline high, and it went up even more this year. She wanted to put me on Lipitor, but I talked her out of it, telling her that I don't like taking medications, and asking her to give me three months to try and improve it before I had to take something for it. She eventually reluctantly agreed to, only because I don't do any other at-risk activities (smoking, drinking, drugs.)

And then after I hung up with her, I had a bit of a chuckle at my own expense. Here I argued with her at length to keep from taking a drug that could very well extend/save my life, but with very little hesitation, I got myself a prescription to a drug for the sole reason that it could give me a better boner.

I'm such a guy.

Despite the fact that I have been making regular trips down to Dallas since around 2005, THIS IS NOT ME!!! I swear it. I can't even dance. Just ask anyone I've ever done a show with.

(Pudgy? Pudgy? I wouldn't call myself...did I say that outloud?)

Well, the economic downturn is striking closer to home. They just announced this week a RIF (Reduction In Force, for those of you not up on your corporate acronym lingo) for my division. They are planning on laying off about 20% of my division, starting in six weeks, and continuing on through June.

Layoffs have been happening in my company for years. The workforce is always in flux, and there is always someone being let go. But it was always somewhere else: the finance department, human resources, some other department. Corporate IT was always spared the chopping block. But now the chickens have come home to roost.

This is the first time I've been concerned about my job since I started at this company. I've been here for 20 years now, and I knew when I started here that this was where I wanted to make my career. I wanted to work here until I retired. Now, I may not have that choice.

Now, the odds are good that I will be safe. I do a very important job, my reviews are always stellar, and I'm well liked and respected throughout the IT department and business units. However, I am a highly reimbursed employee, and my salary will make me a big target.

I'm going to continue business as usual. The whole thing has me a bit down, but I'll pull out of it in a day or two. I always tell my Mother in Law (who is a consummate worrier) that it's silly to worry about those things that you have absolutely no control over, and I need to take my own advice.

But I'm going to wallow for a couple of days. Don't mind me, I'll be over in the corner, worrying.

Wife is off on another one of her weekend jaunts, so I'm playing Mr. Mom this weekend again. I really enjoy these times when my wife is gone...gives me some solo time with my kids, and we always have a really good time.

No real plans for the weekend, other than going to a showing of the Toy Story in 3-D double feature, and probably eating out every meal. Other than that, it will be a weekend of games and playing.

Oh, and masturbation. Lots of that. :-) Alas, I just checked and I'm out of lube, so no toys. :-(

Entertainment for tonight is Sirens...I love this movie. There's a calm beauty about it. And boobies. Mustn't forget the boobies. Tomorrow night is going to be Secretary. Been a long while since I've seen either of these movies.

Oh, and I've just discovered Pomplamoose. You should go watch their videos. They're really cool.



(Wow. This post was really all over the place...enough chit-chat. Back to Sirens. Boobies and Doritos and ice cream for the win!)

OK, here's my second attempt at a remodel. Poll over at the side, as before. Still holding off on adding my blogroll back in until I'm happy. But I'm kind of digging this one...it should make my Mac fans happy. :-)

Ladies and gentlemen, a prime example that proves that you can't just use anything as a sex toy! And this, coming from me, is saying a lot!

Man's Penis Saved After Botched Enhancement Attempt

Any news article where you have "causing the organ to swell to five times its normal size and turn black" and "a two-hour, ultra-delicate procedure involving a pneumatic chisel that sent sparks flying around the operating room" means a really bad day for some guy.

Just remember...because it can be used to increase the size of some of your muscles, doesn't mean it will work on all of them!!! And for God's sake...work with a spotter!!!